It was 1991 the first time my uterus tried to kill me. The second time was about 10 years later in 2001 when I had a seizure-like menstrual cramp.....
I had just ridden my bicycle from San Francisco to Los Angeles in the California AIDS Ride (with my best friend EVER Tonia Lach), and had started my period on the morning of the last day of the 7-day ride. At that point I was still having pretty regular periods, but usually had a lot of cramping on my first day.
Amazingly, I finished the ride without any cramps (though I did cry my eyeballs out the whole last day because i couldn't believe I rode my bicycle to LA!!!! hormones? perhaps....). But that evening when shopping for dinner preparations with my friends I had a really scary cramp. I felt like someone had just grabbed my womb and squeezed it very hard and it took my breath away. It only lasted for a second but I went outside and sat down on the sidewalk. I'm kind of looking around like, 'What the heck is happening??' It happened one more time while I was sitting there. My entire uterus clenched down on itself like a very strong jaw, locking (hmmmm, symbolic? I know that not speaking one's truth can lead to a lot of different physical ailments.....).
I didn't tell any of my friends that night. I didn't tell anybody about it and I did not call a doctor - even though I knew that was very abnormal. But it was also very abnormal for me to ride 560 miles in a single week. Since I had just completed a full week of very intense physical fitness (because I am a bad-ass athlete!!!!), I just kind of let it go.....
Over the course of the next few years, my monthly cycle became an increasingly prominent player in the scope of my life. I had been told I had fibroids in 1991, when I had an ectopic pregnancy that nearly killed me. The doctor said I was very lucky to be alive and good luck and oh yeah - you have fibroids on your uterus but they are very common and not to worry about them.
"What are they?", I naturally asked.
"Benign growths", he said. " One in three women have them. Shouldn't be a problem. Just keep an eye on them."
It would have been so nice if the doctor at that time had told me that while one in three women will develop fibroids, some of them will also have extreme complications as a result.
I was definitely one of them. I remember one cramp in particular that came over me while I was walking down the hallway to the bathroom. It crippled me to the floor.
Where do uterine fibroids come from? Why have they become so prevalent? We know that they are caused by excess estrogen -- but a lot of research (and my instincts) tells me environmental toxins in our air, water, food, and body products are at least partly to blame. One in three women have fibroids which can lead to sterility. In my thinking, that is epidemic proportions of something that could result in human extinction!! (Maybe that's why we always see these apocalyptic films foretelling the end of times....).
One doctor I was seeing almost demanded that I have a hysterectomy. She was concerned I might become anemic (which I eventually did.....), and she was concerned I might develop cancer (which is VERY rare when it comes to fibroids). But even though I didn't really think I wanted children (since my first child sorta tried to kill me.....), I wanted to save my uterus and avoid what I felt was an over-used procedure for something that could be healed naturally. It didn't help that she was cold and pushy and didn't seem interested in me as a person.
In all the reading I was doing (Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, by Dr. Christiane Northrup, and A Path of Practice, by Bri Maya Tiwari, were my favorites) I learned that there were so many ways to heal naturally from fibroids. I delved into all of them by changing my diet, by pursuing my passions, drinking certain teas and doing hot compresses and acupuncture and eliminating coffee and caffeine altogether and changing my body-care products and by doing certain yoga poses and by writing in my journal, having more sex, doing breathing exercises, spending more time in nature, and more.
The things that seemed to make the biggest difference in my experience were: high-quality (as in, not store-bought) vitamins, regular exercise, learning how not to rush, no caffeine of any kind while bleeding, and doing my best to keep my environment drama and stress-free during my cycle.
There were months that seemed like I was going to be normal again. There were times where I would have a pretty easy cycle with no big bleeds and no scary cramps at all! But by 2011, 10 years after the first scary cramp, I started to have more bleeding, more clots, more intense cramps, and longer cycles.
I was still hoping I could recover my uterus and get back to normal, and began writing a uterus journal. I would ask my uterus what she needed. I was attempting to tune in but often times what I found was a blank stare looking back at me. I was depleted in every sense of the word, and I think by then I was just exhausted trying to build a bridge to a dying island......
In April, 2012 I finally realized the time had come. I needed to have the surgery. It had become completely unmanageable, and by May I actually had to have a blood transfusion because I almost passed out from severe anemia.
I met a surgeon who was young, hip, and an expert in laparascopic hysterectomies. The first time I went to her office a huge clot passed onto the floor while I was waiting in the exam room. She came in as I was heading towards the napkins to try to clean it up. I was completely mortified (shame from bleeding goes deep) but she put me at ease right away if you can believe it, and reassured me that she was the woman for the job.
We scheduled the surgery for 2 months out and I had to have 3 more blood transfusions during this time. I became very familiar with the nurses at the transfusion clinic, as the procedure took several hours at a time.
A few days before my surgery I gathered my close friends together and invited them to my "fibroid shower". I decided that I wanted to have a blessingway like my friends did who were having babies, for the fibroids that I was going to "birth".
The so-called shower was really more of a mindful ceremony. My mom had flown out to support me after the surgery, and I was so glad she was here. It made a huge difference for me! My best friend helped me create the ceremony. We asked each person to come wearing something that represented their feminine, and to bring a special bead for me. I read some of the writing I had been doing to and from my uterus, and introduced everyone and how much they meant to me.
Then each person expressed their intentions for me with my surgery, and breathed their intentions into the bead they had brought. One of my friends strung the beads onto a strand, and I put it inside of a bag to have with me during the surgery.
In reading Dr. Northrup's suggestions to prepare for surgery, I was inspired to ask my surgeon to participate in setting a clear intention for a safe, successful surgery, and she was completely agreeable. The night before the surgery I wrote out several statements for her to read before she made the first incision, before she started removing the uterus, and after the last stitch was sewn.
Before falling asleep I wrote one last time in my uterus journal and thanked her for all of the lessons she had taught me. I asked her if she had anything she wanted to tell me or ask of me, and the one thing she wanted was that I share my journey, that I share my lessons, that I teach what I have learned to others.
The morning of my surgery I awoke with an almost ecstatic feeling. I was ready in every way. I had the support of my community, I had a very competent surgeon, I had made peace with my uterus, was ready to let her go, felt that she was in agreement with the decision, and was just about as stoked as I could possibly be to put an end to the blood-letting that had (ahem) colored my life for far too long.....
I offer this blog post to honor the request my uterus made of me. So: for all who suffer from uterine disorders, for all who live with those who suffer uterine disorders, for all who are attempting to make sense of their monthly cycles, to all who witnessed my extreme bleeding, to all who saw my face getting paler, and paler, and paler as the anemia became more and more advanced, to those who seek natural solutions, to my community who came around me so close when I needed them, to those who may not understand what some women are going through, this is for you.
A couple of months ago I did the AIDS ride for the second time (with my amazing sister and her partner!!!!!! Team Jupter what??? see previous blog post). It was the perfect full circle.......
Even though I'm revealing a lot of very personal information here, it feels good to share my story. I want folks to know that they are not alone, and that there are ways to manage their symptoms. I am so happy to talk with anyone who wants to compare notes on what they have found is working for them, questions they have about different approaches. I am available to support anyone wanting to prepare for surgery or to discuss some of their options. I believe that if I had incorporated some of the habits I did to heal the fibroids earlier on, they may not have advanced the way they did!
I do not miss my uterus. I do not miss the bleeding whatsoever (are you kidding me??). Instead I feel, still, to this day, a huge relief that I parted ways with that organ. Was she a bitch? Sort of because she almost killed me. But it's not her fault, so I forgive her. She was a real fighter! May she rest in peace......
www.drnorthrup.com
www.mayatiwari.com
www.jennyjup.usana.com
www.facebook.com/ExpandCommunityWellness
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